dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
