he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
