Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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