wrigley field is MILF paradise
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize