Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
