checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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