Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
