I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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