Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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