just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
