I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
