why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
