I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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