don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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