Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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