I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
