You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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