Dude my mom stole all your condoms
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ugly people sure do ruin things
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
