i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
