chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
