trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
