she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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