The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
