I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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