That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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