I hate your face
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
