So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
