I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I AM VODKA MAN
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
