there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
