I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
