is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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