we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
