Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
