Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
thus making me awesome and them whores
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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