i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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