Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Say something about gay babies.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You ruined the universe
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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