Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found puke in my bra..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
