Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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