Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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