I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
