What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
