just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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