Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
