So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
