yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
