So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
