Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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