I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
that may or may not have been my penis.
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