fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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