Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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