i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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