guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
