just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
