You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
two words...techno handjob
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
