After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
