lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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