I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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