NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize