you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just gift wrapped bread.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
