She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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