I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
