his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She bit a glass in half.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
