i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
