why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize