My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize