uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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