So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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