I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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