I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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