they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
