I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
