he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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