Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
